I cannot wait for the day where I can finally graduate from college and focus on a career and not worry about whether I am being a complete fuck up. I hate this feeling like I am just wasting time and money for a career that I feel like I will love but will barely pay for the education needed to get there. I’m tired of half-assing myself through the day and telling myself that everything will get better soon. Why is it that every plan of action that I take ends up failing in the end. I keep losing my motivation to be better and I go home with no intent of improving myself for the next day. I know what I want and I know what it takes to get there, yet I can’t seem to find the means to kickstart that drive to get what I want. There’s no way that I am going to be stuck doing retail for the rest of my life. There’s no way I am going to disappoint my family and throw away a mind that was perfectly fine before starting college. I don’t understand what happened to throw away my love for learning and for being punctual and for begin prepared.
Honestly I am starting to blame this good for nothing job of mine. As much as it is awesome to tell people where I work, it sucks that I put in more effort and time into a job that provides no results and provides no support for me unless it benefits the company. It is so mentally draining to deal with the management and customers who always think that they’re right and that I need to subdue to every demand they make yet when it comes to my development and becoming a better person, it doesn’t matter to them.
I used to think it was awesome and amazing. Well, the grass is always greener from the other side. Turns out it’s just a bunch of dead weeds.